Do you ever feel that sometime life is empty and there seems to be no interesting thing left in the world?
I often felt that my life is worthless and empty; as usually stated in the blog that I felt frustrated to live.
In some cases, boredom can kill, boredom of life triggered life aversion and in turn person can resort to self-destruction.
Someone I know keeps supplying me with inspiring articles, pictures, and quotes…
But to be honest, none of them works…these articles reminding me how precious my life is, I don’t care how sad other life can be, for I also have to bear the pain all alone. Even though I have everything, my life is not a smooth one at all.
I often felt that life is loveless; even though people keep telling me they love me (in a family or friend’s sense). I never fully believed them (forgive me) I apprehend the word ‘love’ so much that it makes me want to die. It is also the reason that I also loathe being touched by people.
Oh, the reason I think those articles are nonsense because I think everyone has his or her own agony. They follow their personalized fates. Some of them have physical problems, and must learn to live with it. Some of them mental, like me…No one know exactly how I suffered since I keep it hidden under placid face of mine.
The survival of the fittest, if a person is strong enough, he/she survives.
I used to be suicidal, often looking for equipment that would take my life or sit and stare aimlessly…my dog saved me a number of times by coming to sit nearby and gave me a paw. I have to take him to walk and play with him.
Sadly, he died of a kidney failure as a result of Pedigree scandal in 2002. I deeply missed him, now I am alone (really alone) finished my master degree and going on to do a PhD one. I am overseas thousands of miles from my family and friends.
The avoidance comes to me periodically, mostly when I am free or extremely fed up of something. I keep thinking that life is worthless, worthless, worthless…
All in all, life is about suffering something to a certain degree. There is life, there is agony.
